First Weekend DONE

Woo! Conquered my first weekend of celibacy! This endeavor of mine if going to be quite hard but I truly believe making this commitment and promise to myself is exactly what I need to ensure that I learn to value myself and stop seeking validation from men.

At 6:00pm last Thursday, I decided that my first day of celibacy couldn't be a more appropriate day to get my next tattoo. My buddy, whom we'll refer to as the Burdman, will always say to me when I'm being reckless and impulsive to "Lock it Up". So a skeleton key with a heart is my symbol for locking it up. I'm gonna get my shit together, and keep my heart to myself for one whole year. I'm going to really make sure I make myself a priority because there's never been a time in my life where I was.

Coming from a divorced family, and then having siblings who are a decade plus my junior, I grew up fast and have always had this sense of obligation towards all of them. Moving away to San Diego was the first time I was forced to recognize that the role I bestowed upon myself, wasn't one I had to have. I've spent the last two years really trying to have more of a sisterly relationship with my siblings instead of a maternal one. It's been an important effort for sure, and now that I'm not being a mother to my ex-husband and I'm swearing off men for a year, there really is no one else I can use as distraction to not pay attention to myself.

I wanted to get the tattoo behind my left ear because I like that it's inline with my heart, and on a sensitive place. I love the idea that someday in the future, when I finally have met my forever person, that when I'm hurting and need to be reminded how loved I am, they can just kiss that tattoo and I'll know they understand everything I've been through, and all of my crazy, and they love me anyways.

This first weekend I hung out with a buddy from high school Friday night, that I had the BIGGEST crush on for like two years. We'll call him the Goofball. That man can make me laugh, that was always my favorite part of our relationship, we crack each other up to the point where I'm always nervous I'm gonna piss myself haha. I hadn't seen him since my 19th birthday when he kissed me and gave me the nicest birthday card, but at that point I'd already met my husband. We reconnected via Instagram (of all places...) a few weeks ago now and he came with me to a work friends dinner shindig. It was soooo much fun and I'm so glad he came. But I was honest with him before we met up for the evening about my year of me and he was totally cool about it.

Saturday my sister, whom we'll refer to as Love Monkey, and I went out in Manayunk after dinner with our Mom and stepdad. Got hit on by this one creeper, and ended up talking to this really nice but not my type at all dude at the bar, just to avoid the creeper...nice guy kept trying to buy my a drink but I was like oh I'm done drinking for the night. And then I noticed my sister fading so I was like ok we can head out, but then someone suggested late night food and I saw Love Monkey's face light up and I was like Union Taco or Pizza? Duh pizza...

So the nice guy was like oh I'll get pizza with you! So he ended up leaving with us, insisted on buying our slices of pizza and didn't get one himself... then watched us eat it as I sort of flirted with a hott man from Amsterdam eating next to us, then it randomly came up that I was divorced, and then he tried to get my number at the end of the night and I was like yea that's going to be a waste of your time. Thanks for the pizza! haha honestly I think saying no is going to be a LOT of fun.

Yesterday I got to go to the 104.5 Birthday concert with one of my friends I've met through frisbee. She is a true badass, someone who definitely has reached a place where she's confident in what she's bringing to the table, and exactly the kind of person I need to be hanging out with. We're gonna call her HBIC (hottest bitch in charge hahah). It was a marathon of day honestly. But so much fun. I love live music and dancing. Some dudes started chatting with me at the bs of the night, one even danced with me and I knew HBIC was cracking the fuck up watching all this happen.  They were nice, and both were really cute. But he didn't even ask for my number... So I didn't even have to say no lol

HBIC keeps telling me that my year of celibacy is kinda silly especially with having joined PADA summer league.  Another new friend that I met through HBIC and am so unbelievably grateful to have her in my life, and we'll call her Devil. I heart her big time, and she wants to do the man cleanse with me, but I know she's not quite as committed, and I don't think she's gonna help me be committed. She's just gonna point out HOTT guys with good bodies lol.

She asked me to sub for her softball team today and of course there were several attractive dudes on the team.  I'm not going to avoid men, and if someone I like takes an interest, I'll just be like if you want to get to know me, I'm all in, let's be friends. But I'm not dating right now and if they take the time to actually make themselves a part of my life, then I'll know they'll be worth me investing my time for them.

I've been too free with my love in the past and I only ever end up disappointed. I want to be positive that the next guy is readily aware of how awesome I am and is going to make me a priority before Iet someone in again.

Next milestone, 1 week! Then a month, then three months, then half a year, then 9 months, and then one year! It'll go fast once school starts, I just know it.

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