Ablaze
The fiery part of my personality is in full swing today. It's been quite a while since I've posted, life has been rather hectic. Density came home and just was so NOT into me. In response I threw myself back into dating, downloaded Bumble for the first time and then somehow ended up with 5 different dudes on my plate at once and had a tough choice narrowing it down to one, but felt good about it.
It was the first time since being in the depressing trenches that is dating, that I felt like I was with someone who genuinely appreciated me. Too bad he is a fucking idiot and hasn't put the work in to cleave out his ex whom he still views as his best friend. There's a huge part of me that is grateful that he has had such a serious relationship because I know it is a large reason why he can see my value, and yea they ended on good terms, but your ex has ZERO business being your best friend, even if you have an animal together. That space should be filled by your friends, and family, and hobbies, and then eventually you make room for someone new. It is not my job to force myself in, waiting for the day that I overcome whatever it is that the two of you had.
We hit two months from our first date on the 8th and the amount of drama and bullshit that has occurred across that time is just TOO fucking much. I didn't decide to focus my efforts on one person to be bouncing back and forth from disappointments and wondering if my judge of character is viable. I'm so incredibly tired of being wrong about people and giving my energy to things that bare no fruit. I just can't get over the fact that he is so dumbfounded that me finding out he spends much more time with his ex than I knew is bothersome. Or the idea of us playing on a team together with the girl he ghosted when he started talking to me. Nor why it hurt so much to have the Vermont trip cancelled and his shit communication about it. Like of fucking COURSE I'm doubting whether or not I know who you are and with my past, the one that I've shared with him, how the fuck would I be able to just "let it play out".
I fucking got married to only quickly learn I didn't know my husband at all. I fell in love with a man I trusted and respected, and had known for years, to only have him turn around and call me crazy and chalk it up to circumstance. I've had THREE different people I've tried to have meaningful relationships with, go back to their exes or realize they weren't over them. I'm sorry that my bullshit tolerance is low, and that perhaps other people would write off the shit that has happened, but I'm not other people, I just don't have time, or room in my life for fucking nonsense.
YO universe, send me a real fucking man for once, I'm sick of these boys.
It was the first time since being in the depressing trenches that is dating, that I felt like I was with someone who genuinely appreciated me. Too bad he is a fucking idiot and hasn't put the work in to cleave out his ex whom he still views as his best friend. There's a huge part of me that is grateful that he has had such a serious relationship because I know it is a large reason why he can see my value, and yea they ended on good terms, but your ex has ZERO business being your best friend, even if you have an animal together. That space should be filled by your friends, and family, and hobbies, and then eventually you make room for someone new. It is not my job to force myself in, waiting for the day that I overcome whatever it is that the two of you had.
We hit two months from our first date on the 8th and the amount of drama and bullshit that has occurred across that time is just TOO fucking much. I didn't decide to focus my efforts on one person to be bouncing back and forth from disappointments and wondering if my judge of character is viable. I'm so incredibly tired of being wrong about people and giving my energy to things that bare no fruit. I just can't get over the fact that he is so dumbfounded that me finding out he spends much more time with his ex than I knew is bothersome. Or the idea of us playing on a team together with the girl he ghosted when he started talking to me. Nor why it hurt so much to have the Vermont trip cancelled and his shit communication about it. Like of fucking COURSE I'm doubting whether or not I know who you are and with my past, the one that I've shared with him, how the fuck would I be able to just "let it play out".
I fucking got married to only quickly learn I didn't know my husband at all. I fell in love with a man I trusted and respected, and had known for years, to only have him turn around and call me crazy and chalk it up to circumstance. I've had THREE different people I've tried to have meaningful relationships with, go back to their exes or realize they weren't over them. I'm sorry that my bullshit tolerance is low, and that perhaps other people would write off the shit that has happened, but I'm not other people, I just don't have time, or room in my life for fucking nonsense.
YO universe, send me a real fucking man for once, I'm sick of these boys.
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