Give me back my soul!!!

Grad school has stolen my soul. This semester is killing me. All I want to do is sleep! I cannot wait to move downtown  I'm currently sitting on the train headed home at 12:30 in the morning. And I'm not even finished what I need to get done tonight!!!! I was sick for two weeks and it was the worst timing ever and put me behind in two of my classes and I still haven't caught up because me life is so scheduled out that if I don't do shit when I'm supposed to, it doesn't get done.

Seriously though it became abundantly clear that the only way I did get everything done last semester was because I skipped out on sleep fairly often and got really good at three hour naps. My schedule this semester just doesn't lend itself to that with morning and afternoon classes instead of just morning...

As long as I'm squared away by the time spring break rolls around, all will be well. I honestly don't give a damn about my grades because I know I'm truly taking the time to understand everything and not just doing the minimal to get a grade. Finally started to feel better last Thursday so hopefully I crank shit out this week.

Update on the love life, mountain man has been rechristened as mountain dick by my sister lol. The man went radio silent. It has been well over a month. Definitely thought he'd eventually have a conversation with me and show me that decency but apparently I'm not worthy of his respect. I did all that I could to show I thought he and a potential us was worth it to me, so honestly it's a what if I'm no longer curious about.

Density has been totally silent as well, which does baffle me, we had such a great time. Boys are fucking weird.

Him, up until Friday I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually seen him! And it was awesome, but for whatever reason, karma? Bumped into him and made close quarters eye contact twice at work. Thank jesus that no longer induces anxiety attacks.

Sailor called me on Valentine's day to ask me questions for the annulment paperwork he's filling out so that he can get married again. That's right, he's officially engaged, happened in December. Honestly doesn't feel like the man learned a thing. And I initially wanted to hope that him calling then was naive but then remembered he called me on valentine's day last year to ask me tax questions. The man is just an asshat and good luck to that poor girl.

Phoenix, we are officially back together and trying this whole relationship thing a real try. It was super bumpy at the beginning, lots of emotional convos and discussions but all important and all productive. A lot of it was a need for security and reassurance on both ends, but honestly what we wanted were answers that just can't be provided. Every relationship means leaping and taking it on faith you're going to work out and therefore it's inherently risky. There are no guarantees, and it finally clicked that I cannot make preemptive decisions now based on what I think may or may not happen in the future because if the last two years have taught me anything it's that life doesn't give two shits about your plans and has quite the sense of humor with the twists and turns that land you in places you could have never guessed just a year prior.

So here's to surviving the semester and truly living in the now by doing my best to not worry so much about the future and not waste so much time ruminating over the past.

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