The Crazy Fiery Wild One

I'm basically writing weekly... The frequency of which I write is always such an indicator of where I'm at. I've needed to write the last few days but keep pushing it off because I wasn't ready to wallow. The random fits of crying have definitely decreased, but most mornings are still bad, and car rides to work, the closer I get to the building the harder it is to fight the tears pounding the back of my eyes. Good lord do I wish there was a way to know how long "time" is... Right now, the end of this sadness mostly feels unattainable because I still have no desire to move on and give up but what choice do I have other than to do just that. I couldn't even type that without tears brimming and my chest tightening. Life feels on the cusp of getting busy again with real spring around the corner. Club pre-season for frisbee is officially here, I'm coordinating a middle school league with another woman, and hopefully gonna play softball with friends in ...

One whole week of no communication and tomorrow will mark two months since the last time we kissed. Eight weeks apart was my record with my Sailor, somehow between visits and such even with him in the Navy, that was the longest across six years. Since becoming sexually active at 17 my longest time frame without engaging in all that is I guess three months, from freshman year when my First everything and I stayed together that first semester and he didn't end up coming for Halloween. I really wish he had visited, just once, I would have loved to have shared Burlington with him. He and I actually met up last Friday and got dinner and then went to Dave & Busters and had a really awesome night. We got super into this Jurassic park game, he got some bonus thing on frogger and won a bunch of tickets and let me pick a prize, and then later I fucking killed it at pool. There was a time in my life where I never thought we'd be on speaking terms, let alone in this place of being able...