The Crazy Fiery Wild One

Was it special, was any of it real, those are the thoughts that keep running through my head as of late. When I met the Lumberjack, it was the first time I thought that yea maybe I can connect with someone the way I did with Him. But Lumberjack was still so wrapped up in his ex... I tried so hard to show him that he could trust me, that it was ok to have fun again... I put so much effort into all of that and completely forgot that I was putting myself out there too... With Phoenix I'm trying really hard not to overthink things and get lost in my head, but he's saying all these things that HE said to me. All these things that I believed... but then he didn't choose me in the end so how could all of those things still be true? Will this one change his mind too? Maybe that's what I'm so afraid of...that I'll give it my all again only to become a mistake again. That I'll trust someone again only to have my heart shattered. I know I'm also afraid that I hav...

Soooo it's day 40, and I broke my vow... Well maybe just part of the vow. But have decided that it doesn't mean I can't still be focused on myself, and this year of me and getting my shit together. I broke it on the 9th... ugh. I was doing so well! Like really well. Was sincerely enjoying the lack of clutter in my brain and just being in this totally relaxed head space when I was meeting people. But I met this boy, and yea I say boy because I don't view him as a man but every time we hang out he kind of changes my mind about that. He's two years younger than me, but he's also an engineer, mechanical, and he plays frisbee professionally! Like he actually gets paid to travel and go play frisbee. So awesome. He's the captain of my summer league team, which is how I met him. We're going to refer to him as Phoenix. The first few times we hungout it was totally fine and in group settings. At the end of the third group hangout I got the vibe that maybe ...